I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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