there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
