using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
