suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
