mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
