I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize