i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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