First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
