I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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