How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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