I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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