Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
