i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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