i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
