so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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