it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
