the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
