I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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