No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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