i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
