I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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