She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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