I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
