i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
