maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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