Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i came on her dog
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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