New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
