Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
