Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
