If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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