I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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