we have officially lost it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
