Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
