Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
