I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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