He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
