Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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