Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
