i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
