I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
