there's paper in my vomit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
