There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
