we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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