Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
