hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
