No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
