My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
