Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
