she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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