My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
