I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
