dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
