Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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