it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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