she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
