Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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