Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
