I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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