so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
