Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
