Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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