i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize