went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
