This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
