sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
