also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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