she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
