UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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