They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
