i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
