I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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