So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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