There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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