nut hugger
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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