I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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