funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to be your penis for a week.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
