Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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