the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
