How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
