ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
