so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
