You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
