I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
