Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
