just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
