my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
