i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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