Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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