even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
