update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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