I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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