Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
