dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
