Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize