Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize