I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
